i'm avoiding birth control

why do women always have to get the short end of the stick?

With the state of the country at the moment, I should really figure out some form of birth control before it’s too late. Unfortunately, all the options quite frankly sound fucking awful. I guess it’s all about finding the lesser of all evils, but to me they all seem pretty damn evil.

Obviously there’s the good ol’ pill. An original classic. Painless to ingest, but easy to forget. And of course, there’s all those wonderful side effects like constant exhaustion, weight gain, irregular periods, hormone changes, mood swings. For every person I talk to that has a great experience with birth control, there’s another one who claims it ruined their life. I also have severe body image issues because I’m a vain, insecure bitch who thinks about herself too much and I can’t bring myself to take a medication that could potentially change my body. I’m also depressed enough as it is and do NOT need anything that can make it worse.

Then we have the IUD. The go-to recommendation by doctors. Some people say the insertion pain was nonexistent, others compare it to childbirth. According to my doctor, hormonal IUD’s like Mirena often make periods lighter or disappear all together; however, it’s still a hormonal form of birth control so there’s all those lovely side effects I’m trying to avoid like weight gain and mood swings. People love the copper IUD for it’s long lifespan (I must admit that up to a decade is pretty impressive), but allegedly it can make periods heavier and longer. Mine is already hell enough.

So…the implant, otherwise known as Nexplanon. I got nauseous and dizzy just looking for an image to put here. Seriously, I’m curled up trying not to pass out while I’m writing this. I honestly just can’t do it. The idea of having a little rod in my arm, being able to fucking feel it if I press down hard enough. Absolutely not. And with my morbid curiosity, I’ve encountered too many horror stories of the rod coming out or falling too low in someone’s arm and I just can’t go on. So no, this is not an option for me.

I’m going to be so honest I had no idea how the NuvaRing worked before writing this. Apparently you compress it into a thin shape and then insert up there every three weeks, after which you remove and replace it. Am I missing something, because why does no one ever talk about this? It is a form of hormonal birth control which as we’ve established, is something that scares me, but the side effects seem less severe than other hormonal contraceptives, and supposedly only last for the first few months.

Honestly, I would consider this option if it weren’t for studies showing that women on the NuvaRing were six times more likely to get blood clots than those not on any form of hormonal birth control. Maybe I’m being dramatic, but I’m scared of potentially deadly issues like that.

In summary, birth control sucks and all the options suck and it sucks that women, who can only get pregnant once within a nine month span, have to bear the burden rather than men who can hypothetically get hundreds of women pregnant in that same amount of time. Who came up with that honestly? I’m starting an official petition for the responsibility of birth control to fall onto the shoulders of men. It’s been our problem for long enough.